Grief and Boundaries

I know, it’s the last thing you want to think about at the moment - setting boundaries and telling people what to do, but I found this to be one of my saving graces after losing Loey.

So much of your health and general wellbeing depends on our ability to set and maintain good and healthy boundaries.

I think, and I am totally guilty of doing this, that women automatically default in taking care of everyone else and become the caretaker during loss and they forget about their own healing process.

Yes, sometimes it is justified but I do invite you to be conscious of your own healing process because unattended grief does not go away. It will stay in your body and create havoc.

October - Pregnancy + Infant LOSS Awareness Month

Did you KNOW …

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan designated October as national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month to bring light to an issue that affects so many people. Each year in the United States, approximately 1 million children die in utero or shortly after birth, making it 1 in 4 pregnancies that result in a loss.

1 in 4 !

Go on Parent yourself !

As children there was someone who told us what we needed to get done, what we shouldn't be doing and how to clean our room. However as adults we don't have our parents telling us to get up and live our life.

We need to get up on time ourselves, we need to take ourselves to the gym or for a walk and we need to eat sensibly. There isn't someone telling you what you need to do. It is all up to you.

When we have experienced trauma or a loss, the need to live is really hard. Don't get me wrong, it's not about life or death, but more about living our life in the shit of it. Having to get up in the morning, having to feed ourselves, head into work and survive.

There is a time to grieve and to heal and there is a time to parent yourself to get yourself out of bed.

Personally, I know that I use to use grief as a crutch or as an excuse not to leave my flat, not to experience life and not to see friends.

the secret is out

The secret is out and there is no more hiding in your pain and in your suffering.

Those FIRST few MONTHS after LOSS

I felt like a zombie in my own life. I didn't have the energy to think and eat or even think about taking a shower. I didn't know if I was going to make it or not.

I had to ask for a lot of help, and I ate a lot of ice cream. I learned to not judge myself if I was too tired to do anything that day. I also learned to set boundaries around my healing experience. I had to find the courage and strength to live one day at a time. I had to create self-care moments each day to help me find purpose.

I wrote an E-MAG about my first few months after my loss.

People have shared that after reading my e-mag they felt less alone, that it was an easy read to help them understand what they are going through.

JULY is International BEREAVED PARENTS MONTH

I bet you didn't expect to read this.

Well, I didn't expect to be writing this.

But I am glad that you are here.

My intention is to bring more awareness to this month, and you are helping me.

I share ideas below on how to help your friend who has lost a child.

If you are a bereaved parent, my heart goes to you.

I hope this little blog resonates and helps in some way.

Losing a child is an unimaginable loss.

Power of Thought [ in a life after loss ]

MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE WAS WHEN WE LOST OUR BABY GIRL AT 39 WEEKS LAST MAY. MY WORLD BROKE INTO A MILLION PIECES AND I WAS ANGRY, FRUSTRATED AND SAD. IF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED ANY LOSS, YOU KNOW THE DEPTHS OF SADNESS THAT CAN OVERCOME YOU.

A YEAR ON, I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MYSELF AND ALSO HOW TO EMPOWER MY LIFE AFTER LOSS. CHANGING MY MINDSET AND CHOOSING A BETTER FEELING THOUGHT HAS HELPED ME IMMENSELY. I TRAINED MYSELF OUT OF ALWAYS SLIPPING INTO THE DOOM AND GLOOM PATHWAY AND PAVING A NEW NEUROLOGICAL PATHWAY, THAT WAS MORE HOPEFUL.