I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AFTER LOSING OUR TWINS THAT ALL I WANTED TO FEEL WAS HAPPY BUT COULDN’T.
I REMEMBER I TOLD MYSELF THAT THIS IS IT AND THIS IS OUR RAINBOW BABY. I EVEN WENT OUT TO BUY A BIB AND I WAS PLANNING ON TELLING MY HUSBAND THAT EVENING. SADLY, I MISCARRIED THAT NIGHT AND I HAD TO HIDE THE BIB AND TOLD MY HUSBAND A DIFFERENT STORY.
Read MoreAs children there was someone who told us what we needed to get done, what we shouldn't be doing and how to clean our room. However as adults we don't have our parents telling us to get up and live our life.
We need to get up on time ourselves, we need to take ourselves to the gym or for a walk and we need to eat sensibly. There isn't someone telling you what you need to do. It is all up to you.
When we have experienced trauma or a loss, the need to live is really hard. Don't get me wrong, it's not about life or death, but more about living our life in the shit of it. Having to get up in the morning, having to feed ourselves, head into work and survive.
There is a time to grieve and to heal and there is a time to parent yourself to get yourself out of bed.
Personally, I know that I use to use grief as a crutch or as an excuse not to leave my flat, not to experience life and not to see friends.
Read MoreIt is the day after Mother's Day here in the States, and I think surviving my 6th mother's day after losing my twins and the first after losing my lovely little girl went well.
As well as you can expect while living in grief and loss.
Why and how ....
I had a plan of what I would like the day to be like, I had a plan that I could use as my go to, if all went completely pear shape. But, I think most importantly I chose me. I chose to celebrate myself as a mom, and as a person. I also chose to honor my babies and my relationship with loss. I did what my soul craved most of - self care and love.
Read More
