I know what you are thinking, this lady has lost the plot!

I get it! It didn’t happen overnight and it took a while but I LOVE Christmas again because it means something completely different to us as we had to redefine it for ourselves after infertility and the death of our twins and daughter. As a Pregnancy Loss Coach, I work with several women who find holidays triggering and only feel sadness, overwhelm and isolation. I’ve been there and it is incredibly hard. I get it.

SELF CARE + LOSS

I STOOD OUTSIDE THIS MORNING IN THE SUN AND THOUGHT

WHAT HAVE I DONE LATELY FOR MY SELF CARE.

IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR LOSS HAPPENED LAST MONTH OR 10 YEARS AGO, OUR SPIRIT NEEDS RADICAL SELF CARE.

AND WITH GRIEF, OUR SPIRIT NEEDS RITUALS OF SELF CARE.

LET’S ADMIT IT!

MY PARTNER + I after loss

I KNOW.

YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO GET BY ON YOUR OWN AND HERE I AM SAYING THAT WE NEED TO THINK OF OUR PARTNERS.

WHEN WE HAD TO TERMINATE OUR TWINS FOR MEDICAL REASONS, TRY TO CONCEIVE AFTER SEVERAL MISCARRIAGES AND THEN LOEY’S DEATH, I DIDN’T THINK WE AS A COUPLE WOULD HAVE MADE IT AND SOMETIMES I WONDER IF WE WILL. IT TAKES CONTINUOUS PERSONAL GROWTH AND COMMITMENT.

TTC after a Loss

WHEN WE EXPERIENCE A PREGNANCY LOSS AT ANY STAGE THERE IS GRIEF.

HOWEVER, THE HUMAN SPIRIT DOESN’T WANT TO GIVE UP AND WE MOVE INTO THE NEXT PHASE OF OUR FERTILITY.

EMOTIONS. SO MANY FREAKING EMOTIONS.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AFTER LOSING OUR TWINS THAT ALL I WANTED TO FEEL WAS HAPPY BUT COULDN’T.

I REMEMBER I TOLD MYSELF THAT THIS IS IT AND THIS IS OUR RAINBOW BABY. I EVEN WENT OUT TO BUY A BIB AND I WAS PLANNING ON TELLING MY HUSBAND THAT EVENING. SADLY, I MISCARRIED THAT NIGHT AND I HAD TO HIDE THE BIB AND TOLD MY HUSBAND A DIFFERENT STORY.